It’s official. Pinterest is ruining my life.
Just when I thought popsicle stick houses were the epitome of craftiness, along comes a website full of crazy shit you are supposed to MAKE. ALL BY YOURSELF. And don’t even get me started on Etsy. Do they have Etsy Visa cards yet? Asking for a friend.
Harmony, God bless her, is so supportive and thrilled to do new projects with me. She’s just happy to be spending time together. And although I will never say no to “Mommy, will you do a craft with me?” I do need to have a frank conversation with myself about the limits of my abilities.
Today, for example, I spent 2 HOURS searching for craft supplies to make end of year thank you gifts for H’s teachers, support workers and day care ladies. Needless to say, what seemed like a good idea at the time now has me seriously questioning my sanity. “Channel your inner Martha Stewart” my girlfriend told me. Well, I found this a bit insulting because Martha Stewart, as everyone knows, is a former prison bitch. I’m not sure what my friend meant by this but I will be taking it up with her at a later date.
I’m not crafty. I’m not handy. I can barely cook and I sure as hell can’t sew. Every time I go into Michael’s I feel like Julia Roberts on Rodeo Drive in “Pretty Woman.” (Because I sense judgement, not because I’m a prostitute).
And what could I, craft rookie and mere mortal, possibly CREATE that could be better than an LCBO, Starbuck’s or Cineplex gift card? NOTHING, that’s what. I might as well have taken $50, lit it on fire and had a nap.
And then there’s the card. How to put down in words everything they do for us?
“Dear Mrs. R, thank you for being such a great teacher and for calling me to tell me Harmony wasn’t wearing underwear on play day. That kind of thing must happen all the time right? Haha. You must see some pretty crazy stuff. Anyway, you’ll be happy to know we now have a mandatory check at the front door. Have a great summer!”
Dear Miss T, thank you for being such a terrific reading buddy. And especially for letting me know that Harmony wore a sundress and sandals (with socks!!) that day in January. Thanks to you we now pack spare clothes in her bag every day, and I make her dad send me a photo before they leave the house. Enjoy your time off!”
So after a morning filled with regret and self doubt, I took the dogs to the park in order to de-stress and reflect on the hours I could have spent watching Netflix. Here, they proceeded to roll in the garbage, animal feces, and dead rodents embedded in the grass, a bouquet of scents that is, as we speak, transferring onto my freshly laundered bedding.
But things are looking up because tomorrow I get to see this angel and have both my girls together under the same roof for 3 sleeps.
And if things don’t work out with this crafting and parenting thing, I can always look for a new line of work.